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15 July 2012 @ 02:57 am
i wanna do bad things to you  
i guess it has only been about two years since my last journal entry. it seems like longer. i've forayed into other journal experiences but somehow this is just easier. it seems i have investment here.

today one of my closest friends got engaged. congratulations. i knew it was coming, but that does not negate the significance of the occasion. i am happy for her, and i think i am with her in that it hasn't really sunken in yet. i am sure it will have hit by the time we have a bachelor party. :)

i sat down to read my book just now and found myself preoccupied with something that occurred on my journey home from the celebration.

i was standing on the skytrain, and this young gentleman (younger than i, but old enough to vote) gets on a few stops after me. the train is quite full, but there is standing room and few seats around. i find the young man attractive; in that way that youth can be when coupled with the promise of aggression that musculature can convey.

i was positioned opposite the door this young man happened to be exiting when he reached his station. he stands up, leans against the glass and fully reaches into his pants and adjusts his genitalia. now, i am not just talking about a simple tug of the panties... this was a full waistband-up-to-the-lower-arm-scoop-and-redirect maneuver. the movement was such that i was unable to do anything but cogitate on the ample nature of his hidden appendage and speculate on its current state (resting, or active?), while detailed recreational suggestions rapidly made themselves evident in my minds-eye.

before this very graphic and completely involuntary experience assailed me, i was then granted full access to a view of his perfect looking abdomen as he lifted up his shirt for several seconds for no apparent reason. it was also revealed to me at this time that this individual choses to wear boxers and not briefs.

i was so perplexed by this apparent sexual display, while entertaining pleasant thoughts of testing power dynamics all over his naked person, i had the presence of mind to look around and perceive if anyone else was intended to be involved. i couldn't see anyone, and in fact the full train seemed completely oblivious to the point where i wondered if i had imagined it.

however, just before he left, he looked me directly in the eyes. i can only guess at my expression.

now, i wonder if it was simply a matter of him needing to adjust a cumbersome extension of his physicality, and airation of overheated flesh. but everyone in my cognition says that is not that case. however, i am also not completely without benefit should his complete lack of propriety could be related to focusing my attention; i could simply be horny and have wishful intent.

this is as far as my thoughts go on this. i wish i could ask the guy. i think i will try to find him.

also, upon signing in on my LJ after my hiatus i found some poems i wrote a couple years ago. coincidentally, at the salubrious events today, i had the pleasure to sit with a couple writers for a few minutes and discuss their experience of the craft before a horde of personalities descended upon our space and steered the discussion towards less esoteric matters. i postulated the idea that perhaps i am meant to write poetry instead of longer forms of literature, as it is more flexible in expression and the sentiment is constructed far more efficiently than longer works of literature, even if the time spent on the shorter prose is not relative to their mass.

this to me says i had actually assimilated this idea many years ago, and somehow misplaced it while preoccupied with manufactured distraction.